Batman's journal
by Moodyteen
Summary: Batman recounts the history of the bat family as he reminds himself of how his mission to be a single force against evil led to the birth of an entire bat family , each unique and amazing in so many ways
1. Chapter 1 - The Beginning

A Batman Journal

Entry 501

With Stephanie brown becoming batgirl, it provides the perfect moment to look back at the so called "bat family" as Clark coined it.

When I decided to walk this path of darkness, I wanted to do so in the hope that nobody else would feel the need to do so. That was supposed to be the foundation. There was only the mission that mattered.

But a young boy losing his parents right in front of me made me take a decision, a decision I am still apprehensive about. I took in dick Grayson and I trained him to follow in my mission. But as I learned about him, he continued to surprise me. His natural acrobatic abilities gave him an easy entrance into the world of martial arts. More astonishingly, he never let the darkness consume him and kept being a beacon of hope in honour of his parents.

The first few times in the field, I was disappointed as his continuous chatter while fighting threw me off my balance. But I later realized that it was his method of dealing with what he is doing. Dick has always looked down upon the fact that I try to do things by striking the fear into the hearts of criminals, but I think over the years, he has come to understand my perspective.

While I have never admitted this out loud, dick being robin and us fighting together were some of my best days. I still remember the little talks about forensics and the reports after the mission. But as dick ventured out into the world with the titans, I knew it was time he had to leave the role of robin. The moment I fired dick and sent him on his way was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

In the future when dick asked why I had to fire him in such a cruel manner, I simply said that I had to, and I believe that was my intention too. I never contemplated the idea of another robin. I never thought anybody would be able to replace dick.

But a young boy who made me laugh in crime alley of all places, made me change my mind. His name was Jason Todd. An orphan living on the streets. He had the gall to steal tires from the bat mobile. That fearless attitude of his resonated with me and I took him home. Part of me still wonders whether I made Jason robin to help him or ...to deal with the fact that I missed dick in the field.

As I trained him over the weeks, I knew dick had to be told. But I saw this an opportunity to test dick's current level and whether Jason was field ready. Clark had told me dick visited him and had took on a new name "Nightwing". The ensuing adventure the two robins went on assured me about the both.

Jason was different in the field. In some ways, he was more focused on the mission than dick, but he was much colder. He always felt like he had something to prove. At first, I was of the position that he could work it in his advantage. But as time went on, his brutal methods increased. It was then I first wondered whether I should get the boy psychological help to deal with the actual problems he had been facing. Instead I gave him outlets for an anger that he couldn't figure out.

Then when we finally learned about the possibility that his birth mother may be alive. I thought this could be the good news needed. The world's greatest detective, they call me, but I didn't have an inkling of the horror in store. The events that unfolded, his mother betraying him to the joker, the joker beating him to death and then blowing him up, finding his body in that rubble. It all seemed so fast to me. But to Jason as he later recollected, it went by slow, every beat, every moment. Till date, that is my greatest failure as batman.

The fact that I was unable to save the life of a boy that I was personally responsible for began to eat away at me.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Life after the Loss

Entry 502

The death of Jason changed my outlook towards fighting. There was a time where I wondered whether my morals were worth letting the criminals walk away. Again, it was dick who served as an example for me to hold on to them.

As the death of Jason spread through to the rest of the superheroes, there was a new debate on whether bringing teenage kids into this world is ideal.

But I couldn't concentrate on any of that. The idea of robin was dead. In that moment, I never considered for a second that anybody could even take on Jason's role. But as another young boy told me later, I was losing fights that I should have easily won, being reckless and more brutal.

Tim Drake was always something special, he was a person who had a good life with his parents outside of the superhero world. A normal life. Despite all the red herrings that I threw into the world to make sure batman can never be traced to Bruce Wayne. This boy still figured it out sticking to his beliefs.

Lying in that pit after the battle with two-face, I was beaten and come to terms with the fact that Jason dying had changed me. Then for a moment, I thought the young boy who was after me was Jason Todd. But that was Tim drake, that was my first meeting with the boy who will be the greatest detective one day.

Tim was different in the way that he wanted to be robin of his own volition and it was more about my decision rather than his. The other robins were people who I chose, and it was their decision about whether they had to become robin.

At that moment, I was aghast at the fact that some boy that I had never met had the audacity to put on the robin costume and try to replace Jason even though that was never his intention. But at the end, the same feeling that I had about dick and Jason made me give Tim a chance.

For a while, as I had him on comms, I wished that somehow, he would get discouraged and change his mind on ever wanting to be robin. I repeatedly brought up the fact that he was nowhere skilled to be a robin which was true.

But every step that I hoped would dissuade him wound up making him even more determined to step into the role. Eventually I conceded, and he became robin. To my understanding, being robin was something that Tim very easily got used to. Dick took robin as a game whereas Jason took it as a thrill, but this boy put it on a pedestal feeling he was never worth something like that. Over my years of observation of all the robins, I would say that the one person who made the most impact as robin was Tim Drake.

I will never understand how he took care of the teen titans, being a high school student, being a son, being a good friend and partner all the while having solo adventures of his own. My personal highlight of Tim remains how he defeated lady Shiva by drugging her before, making sure the effects would take place during the fight.

Clark remarked that the duration where Tim was robin was the best he had ever seen me. I don't necessarily agree but I would say that Tim had a large positive impact on me comparable to Dick.

Tim being robin led to some painful losses for him. He lost his mother before even becoming robin. Then his girlfriend, father, best friend all died within a few months gap. My initial assessment and worry over whether this might have a negative influence were justified. Tim did have a quite dark period where he tried to make sense of the losses, but I am proud he never gave up and kept being the person he always was. To be completely sincere, it made him even better, He used those losses to make a better version of himself.

The end of Tim's tenure as robin was one that was easily overlooked by two major shocks that affected all of us.


End file.
